How Lies Deceive the Liar: The Truth That Frees Us

"I didn't do that," one of my kids told me. I had every evidence to the contrary. Even as I presented the evidence, it was still denied. Eventually though, the evidence was overwhelming, and confession became the only option. The funny thing about it was that no wrongdoing was committed. I think the truth was embarrassing, and so lying was the way to hide it.

God Wants the Real You

"If we lie to one another, we are subtly believing that we cannot be loved as who we are." These words struck me as Ryan Kwon preached out of Ephesians 4. This was earlier on the same day I had that conversation with my child. How often would I do what my child has done? Do I bend the truth a bit to make myself look better? Or am I afraid that people will not love me for who I am if I was completely honest with them? Would I instead present a masquerade, a more attractive and lovable one, but that is completely hollow and non-existent? Would you?

We all have a deep need to be known and loved. So, lying or exaggerating to be liked seems reasonable. However, it's not you that they will like, it's the faux you that you present. The real you remains unknown. Despite this, there is good news. If you are in Christ, God not only knows you fully (Psalm 139), but he loves you as much as he will ever love you.

Ephesians 2:1–5 (ESV) says,

1 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked... and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.

This great love that God directed towards us while we were yet lovers of sin persists into eternity, even after we have become lovers of God.

Romans 8:35–39 (ESV) says,

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?... 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

God loves the real you. We can and should be honest with him. Confess your struggles, your sins, and your insecurities to him. If you do, you will find the warm embrace of the lowly gentle shepherd that can give your soul rest from the lies we hide behind.

Being Honest with One Another

Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:11-12 that as believers, we "must no longer walk as the Gentiles [unbelievers] do... they are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God..." - this was our "former manner of life," living in greed and sensuality. Rather, we are to put off our old selves, which is corrupt through deceitful desires (Eph. 4:22). Note this. The desires of our old selves are deceitful. In other words, sinful desires lie to you. They offer a promise that they cannot fulfill.

Instead, he says to put on the "new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4:24). He then gives us this command: "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another" (Eph. 4:25).

Lies hurt people. They hurt ourselves, and they hurt others. And, in the context of this passage, they hurt the body of Christ because we are members of one another. We're commanded to speak the truth to one other. Slander has no place among God's people. Neither does flattery. Maybe less obvious is that speaking the truth to each other also entails being honest with each other about the things we're struggling with. A friend of mine says "we lie to each other every Sunday morning" because we always answer "good" when someone asks how we're doing. Can we instead say, "I've had a hard week, would you pray for me?" Could we go beyond the mask we wear and let someone see our inner turmoil?

Deceitful Desires

The temptation to lie is a powerfully deceptive one. The lie about lying is that the lying itself can give you what you want. Approval, money, comfort, ease, pleasure, power. Lies extend their hand to you and offer you these sweet treats. But once you swallow them, the sweet becomes bitter. And before long, you discover the poison that they really are.

Sitting down with my beloved child, we read through some of these passages in Ephesians 4.  I wanted to illuminate that lying hurts relationships with people, and our relationship with God. I wanted to make palpable that there is no need to lie to have my affection; I want the real you, including your failures, not the fake you. That's what our Father in heaven wants from us.

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
- John 8:32 (ESV)